Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
