i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Randomize
