he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
