Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Randomize
