Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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