I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Randomize
