Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
wanna go halves on a baby?
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
