New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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