he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Of course I have a pirate flag
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
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