I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
