the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
