Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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