is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
