you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
