My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
