we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
