I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
