We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
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