I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
