my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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