What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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