The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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