My first STD was from a foam party
you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
