he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
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