i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Alive.
So much puke
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
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