He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
