You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
