Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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