He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
