dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
