Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
