put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I need moral support for this bender
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
