I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I just googled if crying burns calories
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
