So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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