drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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