i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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