and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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