The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
