Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
