We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize