I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
