So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Randomize
