EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize