if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
