i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
