It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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