So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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