I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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