He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
