"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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