We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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