just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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