whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize