I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
