why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
