does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Randomize
