I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
