Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Randomize
