Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize