shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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