pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
