He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
