just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
either way he was missing a nipple.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
