my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
