She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
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