Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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