We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
