Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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