She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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