My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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