so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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