Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
