i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Randomize
