My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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