Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Did I show you my penis last night?
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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