I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
