this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
You may now shotgun with the bride
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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