Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
Little spoons don't ask big questions
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
