As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize