I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
