My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
