I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
